Tomorrow is BJ's first day of preschool, so today has been full of many last-minute preparations. I'm nervous and more than a little emotional about it all; things like a misplaced family photo, which I'd prepared for him to bring, totally set me off this evening. (Sorry, S!) I think I'm having a harder time letting go than I'd like to admit. I know, I know -- it's not like the kid is headed off to college. But this will be the first big step on that road, the first time he'll be with another caregiver outside the family on a regular basis. It's a big deal.
Certainly is to him, that's for sure. He's so excited he could bust. This morning when he woke up, his first question for me was: "Where am I going to go all by myself?" It took me a moment to realize he was talking about going to preschool that next morning, but as soon as I figured it out he started chattering away about it -- the new friends he'd meet, the fun he'd have, the ways in which he's a big boy now. It really squoze my heart, even at a bleary 6:30 a.m.
Because I don't have enough to do, I decided that I wanted to make him a little tote to carry his lunchbox and a few books. I have fond memories of my mom making us bookbags to mark the start of the school year, so in part I wanted to carry on that motherly tradition. Also, I was too cheap to spring for the extra cost of the bag for the Laptop Lunchbox which I chose for BJ, so this way he'd have something to carry it. (I love the lunchbox, and it seems like it will work out really well, but I just couldn't see spending more than $30 for a lunchbox for a three-year-old!)
Knowing my boy, I wasn't surprised at all when I let him choose which fabric to use for his bag: he wanted a number fabric and a letter fabric. Happily, the fabric store had both an alphabetical and a numerical theme in cute patterns that were gender neutral. I finished making the bag this evening, only to realize after everything had been sewn together that the alphabet pattern was missing the letter "V." It was clearly alphabetical, and obviously missing once one started looking. I was so ticked off! What kind of designer makes an alphabet fabric missing one of the letters?!?
Of course I knew he'd notice eventually, probably sooner than later. Tomorrow has enough potential for emotional unrest, so no need to set up a possible meltdown on the way to preschool, right? Grousing the whole time, I wrote in the missing letter on the fabric as best I could. Sigh. Whatchagonna do -- I suppose the fact that I'm the type of person who would check these things myself is in large part why BJ is the way he is. These things matter, and while I was annoyed, I was also a little proud that I still have enough working brain cells to pay attention to details like that. Not only is God in the details, but I believe that it's through the small things that one can most truly express love and affection. (Perhaps this is part of what they mean when they say God is love?)
So I'll be trying not to tear up too much when I leave my boy tomorrow morning. Wish us luck.