Family Movie Night

For a while now, we've been doing a Family Movie Night on Sunday evenings (or late afternoons, depending on how the day has gone). It started almost by accident, when S showed the kids The Love Bug (the original 60's version, of course) while I was busy on a Sunday. They LOVED it. As in, came running to me on the computer to insist that I had to come see! The Bear In The Car! The Car Hitting The Cactus! Much laughing, much fun.

I'm still pretty uptight about the kids and screen time, but I'd been cherishing a notion about family traditions, so I suggested that we make the Sunday movie part of our regular schedule. S, not surprisingly, was all over this idea. The man is a collector and a cinephile, so he's accumulated shelves and shelves of family-friendly films that he's eager to share with the kids. This is, after all, the same guy who has plunked down the kids more than once to show them Astaire & Rogers clips on one pretense or another -- I can't even recall what! And of course, the kids were fascinated.

If we had a do-over, we'd probably choose to start the tradition with something less likely to lead to weeks of Herbie sequels and re-runs. We'd decided to let the kids choose the movie, trading off weeks, and I suppose it's hardly surprising that they would have chosen to watch The Love Bug several times, interruped only by Herbie Rides Again and Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo. We finally had to insist on a new house rule that we would not allow the same movie to be chosen three weeks in a row. Which led to BB choosing Cinderella.

Given that BJ was well into his "I don't like princesses" phase, it was interesting to see him wanting to be with us and watch the film but also wanting to preserve his aloof disinterest. He went in and out of the room, mostly leaving when Cinderella began to sing. (And I confess I rather agree with his tastes; the music is not the strong point of that rendition, if you ask me.) But the neat thing for me was that BB was able to actually sit through the whole movie for the first time. For all her interest in the princess character by that name, she'd not been able to bring herself to watch the film. The stepmother was simply too daunting, I suppose -- we'd tried a few times and every time she'd get so far as the point where Cinderella goes into the stepmother's bedroom and demand that I turn it off. I was certainly not going to force the issue, so I did exactly that.

I have my issues with Disney and The Pink Princess Vortex that seems to engulf so many preschool girls. We're still on the edges of that whirlpool, but I am definitely seeing the effects of the pull. I try to remind myself: the first movie I ever saw in the theater was Snow White. I was 3 years old. My mom likes to tell the story with an emphasis on the fact that I was so little I was unable to physically hold down the theater seat with my weight; she had to sling her leg over the arm rest that separated the chairs and hold down the seat with her foot for the length of the movie. (At which point, now that I'm a mom myself, I find myself wondering -- if I was that light, why not just sit me in her lap? Did I insist on having my own chair like "a big girl"?) And here's the kicker: when the movie was over, my mom asked me what part I liked best. "The Witch! " I exclaimed.

So much for the attraction of damsels in distress! Both my mom and myself have pointed to that moment as evidence of my latent feminist identity. At any rate, I cling to it as proof that The Disney Effect need not be entirely bad. (Then again, back when I was a three-year-old, there was hardly the same kind of marketing machinery in place.)

But I digress. This post is supposed to be mostly about this last weekend's movie, which was easily the most enjoyable one to date from the parents' point of view. It was BB's turn to pick, and S nudged her towards Kiki's Delivery Service.

Both S and I adore this film. (As we do most any Miyazaki film.) When BJ was about BB's age, we'd reached a lax point about screentime issues (sometimes that's what the household needs to function, even I will admit that) and allowed him to watch the movie. We ended up watching it in heavy rotation, sometimes once a day, for some time. My memory may be faulty, but I recall it being a few weeks at least. He loved it. And then became obsessed with it. And then grew increasingly upset at the film's climax (spoiler alert!) to the point where he would ask several times a day about Tombo and the dirigible, and how did Kiki rescue him when he was about to fall, and were we sure that it was all going to work out OK? It began to disturb both S and I how much BJ had taken the movie to heart, how deeply he was concerned for Tombo's welfare. That pretty much single-handedly ended our early effort at something like a regular family movie time, and we didn't watch that movie with BJ (or almost any other feature length film) for quite some time.

So I admit I was a little nervous when S led BB to choose the film. I asked BJ if he remembered ever seeing it, and he said no. Both he and BB were enchanted from the very start. I think BJ started to recall some of it, especially Gigi the cat, but he didn't seem distressed in the least. We watched together, all four of us having a very pleasant time.

Miyazaki films are on my life gratitude list. I'm so happy that they exist. They have such heart and humanity, grace and gratefulness, both in the narrative and in the imagery. I watch them and have a sense that, yes, for all its flaws, the world is indeed a wonderful place. ("There are a million ways to kneel and kiss the ground," says Rumi. And these movies, for me, are many of those million.) So it's a true joy to share them with the kids.

And even more touching to have seen BJ at the end of the movie, bursting into tears and exclaiming, "I'm so sad and happy at the same time!" He has a tender heart, just like his mom. (And a predilection for crying at movies, which he gets from both parents.) He was really overwhelmed with emotion as the credits started to roll. Interestingly, he was also able (and wanting) to articulate all that, even as he cried. He seemed a little concerned, but we were able (I think convincingly) to reassure him that what he was feeling was okay, that the mix of joy and sorrow he was feeling was something we felt too, and that some of the best stories in the world make you feel that way. He cuddled up close to me, still sniffling, and I had a profound feeling of closeness and yet separateness: understanding the feelings he was having, grateful to have shared this with him, and yet amazed that this little person -- no longer a baby, for sure! -- was growing up so fast to be able to have that reaction and also talk about it in the moment.

It will be interesting to see what happens next Sunday, when it's time to choose the weekly movie. It will be BJ's turn, and I'm very curious to see if he'll want to watch Kiki again. Part of me wonders if his strong reaction to the film didn't tap into some deep pre-memory of his earlier anxieties regarding the narrative. He's shown none of that reaction this week, and I doubt that he will. Time will tell.

And I do admit (S are you listening?) that for all my strictures about screen time, I'm very happy that we're watching movies together. Both S and I eagerly anticipate being able to share more of our favorites with BJ and BB. And, someday (sooner than we realize, I'm sure) they will be old enough to do things like go to the Stanford Theater with us. And even watch It's A Wonderful Life on Christmas Eve. Certainly something to look forward to.